Unsexy Stories: Part 14
My first HPV treatment was one of the most scarring experiences of my life - physically and emotionally. A hole, a relatively deep one, burnt into my inner inner INNER thigh.
While the doctor just stood there and watched the tears stream.
And held my legs open.
Not like she could do much more.
But watching that heal and sitting with the idea that THIS was how to treat it started to convince me there had to be better way...
2022-10-14 04:00:32 +0000 UTC
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Unsexy Stories: Part 13
"Food is fuel" is something I tell myself frequently after forgiving myself for binging.
While I know this intellectually, experientially peanut butter is just too fucking good.
2022-10-13 04:00:32 +0000 UTC
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Unsexy Stories: Part 12
On my period for the second time this month.
Send help.
2022-10-12 04:00:32 +0000 UTC
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What is up?
2022-10-11 11:33:03 +0000 UTC
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Unsexy Stories: Part 11
It's funny how we think we naturally know how to use bodies because we are born with them.
Like we think parenting will be innate.
2022-10-11 04:00:33 +0000 UTC
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Solitude
2022-10-10 20:49:33 +0000 UTC
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Unsexy Stories: Part 10
What does it mean to dissociate?
It's hard to tell anymore with so many versions of reality.
It used to be pretty clear.
And something that only "crazy" people experienced.
Now it's something that could essentially be put on a resumé.
"Incredibly capable of sitting motionless for 8hrs+ doing repetitive tasks." HIRED!
2022-10-10 04:00:36 +0000 UTC
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It's a good thing to turn your mind upside down now and then, like an hour-glass, to let the particles run the other way. - Christopher Morley
2022-10-09 16:50:34 +0000 UTC
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Unsexy Stories: Part 9
I prefer B.O to cologne.
Only if they're healthy.
I've always felt confident I could smell sickness or disease.
I once asked a friend if she too could feel the germs on her hands before washing them. I only asked that once.
Many empathetic experiences since then have further confirmed this suspicion that ovary owners are indeed witches and our hardwired ability to feel life outside ourselves leaves us forever sensitive t...
2022-10-09 04:00:59 +0000 UTC
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Unsexy Stories: Part 8
Having what I have means I scar strangely.
Sometimes better, often worse.
And being as masochistic as I am means that sometimes I end up with a bit more than I bargained for.
Particularly on my pussy.
I have a tendency to acquire skin tags on my labia.
For reasons I haven't entirely understood (beyond some masochistic masturbation tendencies).
Regardless, I suppose it isn't all that surprising that textured skin heals ...
2022-10-08 04:00:34 +0000 UTC
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Unsexy Stories: Part 7
I think body trauma also leads to body liberation.
If I hadn't gone through such a period of darkness and dissociation, I wouldn't be as grounded in it as I am now.
If I hadn't learned what I didn't have to create safety, how would I know what to go after?
2022-10-07 04:00:39 +0000 UTC
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Update: I’ve had about 400 posts removed. Most of which had appropriate releases, and yet…🤷🏻♀️🫠
My desire to rectify this issue is super meh.
We know the history of this space.
I’ve started thinking of what other places I may move to next.
Stay tuned.
2022-10-06 14:09:07 +0000 UTC
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Unsexy Stories: Part 6
Medical trauma creates an interesting relationship with the body.
Especially if incurred in early years.
The first time I was penetrated, was ana|ly, digitally, by a doctor, in front of my mother.
I was e|ght.
And that's the first time I consciously remember attempting to dissociate from my body.
Go anywhere from where I was.
And while I don't know if I succeeded in that moment, I had plenty of opportunities after that t...
2022-10-06 04:00:42 +0000 UTC
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Unsexy Stories: Part 5
I'm better in writing than I am in words.
Which means I'm often misunderstood.
Who isn't?
I frequently find I haven't gotten what I wanted because I haven't accurately communicated it.
Maybe that was with my words.
Maybe that was with my actions.
But when I lean into the idea that "if it is meant to be, it's up to me", it also means that everything that happens in my reality is my responsibility.
That's a lot of weigh...
2022-10-05 04:00:38 +0000 UTC
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Unsexy Stories: Part 4
The digital has become as real as the physical.
We used to spend time trying to make the digital reflect the physical.
Now we seem to spend it in the reverse.
Creating an avatar through fragments and snapshots to explore different facets of our person, before deciding who gets to drive the ship.
Or we land on the decision to have a constantly rotating cast of characters based on circumstance and energy.
Seeing somethin...
2022-10-04 04:00:43 +0000 UTC
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UPDATE: I had over 100 posts removed today.
Who knows what that means for deletion…
If you want to stay in touch in case I vanish, drop your email on my site
https://www.tinytayloroakes.com/nsfw
2022-10-03 20:47:46 +0000 UTC
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Unsexy Stories: Part 3
Body positivity is a touchy subject.
One I've spent some time sitting with and found that the semantics have been weaponized beyond the point of being productive.
If we spend all this time on the words we use to talk about the issues we face, we're really just p|ssing into the wind.
But for the sake of the discussion, body neutrality is where I personally land.
Should we look or feel or do anything specific? Yeah I thin...
2022-10-03 04:00:47 +0000 UTC
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Unsexy Stories: Part 2
After 2020 I stopped using social media as a live feed of my life.
One - it felt like that tool was being better utilized for political awareness rather than brand awareness.
Two - it felt more productive to be more separate.
At the end of the year before my first journey with DMT, I meditated on the question of "am I wasting my time online?"
And maybe 24-hours later my account was deleted.
Loud and clear.
I knew that ...
2022-10-02 04:00:47 +0000 UTC
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Unsexy Stories: Part 1
I find this new world of ultra-accessible sexuality very interesting.
While I simultaneously enjoy exploring and exploiting it, I also wonder what it's doing to our perceptions of fantasy and accessibility.
What does it mean to have a pocket fantasy available 24/7 for $10-30/month?
Similar questions have always been asked in regards to porn. So naturally as our exploration of the medium are expanding, so are our relatio...
2022-10-01 16:01:43 +0000 UTC
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Would you be interested in going on a chastity journey with me for Locktober?
2022-09-30 23:39:10 +0000 UTC
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If it is meant to be, it’s up to me.
Photographer: @themaxeisenhardt
2022-09-30 23:35:25 +0000 UTC
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A lot less hair. A bit more belly. Far fewer fucks.
30s have been about embracing what is versus lusting after what could be.
Impermanence is everything and we are nothing.
No thing - just now.
And if now is all we have, why wait?
2022-09-29 15:15:32 +0000 UTC
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The photographer that shot this is one of my favourites.
I loved his work so much I made it my mission to become his friend.
And I did.
He taught me so much about slowing down while shooting.
Seeing the power in the quiet moments.
Using what is.
Simplifying.
Most was communicated through his example rather than his words.
I learned a lot by getting naked for him and feeling him move around me.
I've learned a lot through this method with many.
...
2022-09-23 00:11:18 +0000 UTC
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Just waiting for the mail
(what a dated statement...)
2022-09-18 07:00:14 +0000 UTC
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More black and white butt stuff from https://www.instagram.com/justgreydays/
If you like his work, tell him I sent you :)
2022-09-04 07:00:34 +0000 UTC
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I’ve never used an alias in this world because I initially entered it searching for more of myself.
I didn’t want to hear other names or words directed at me because I already knew I was capable of operating under other identities.
I wanted to find more of the one that felt like “home”.
As a y0ung brain, I thought I would find more of that in other people and places and experiences.
And I did.
But it didn’t show up how I expecte...
2022-09-01 17:58:42 +0000 UTC
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Swipe to spread
2022-08-28 07:01:35 +0000 UTC
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I'm stepping into a new phase of maturity in this project of self discovery and sexploration.
My humans join me on it, but even with their presence what is becoming louder is it's not about my relationship with them.
It's about my relationship with myself.
My body.
My gender.
My fears.
My desires.
I am able to learn these things through them because it is through those opportunities of reflection that self is seen.
It can't be done in ...
2022-08-25 22:37:42 +0000 UTC
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As I’ve started to settle into an older version of self, I’ve started to finally understand that the wisdom of my body is not optional.
I can attempt to numb and avoid and run, but it will find me. And if I manage to block one form, it will find another to present itself in. If I can’t learn in an opportunity, it will be through a lesson.
My dad used to have this saying that he would deliver right before I was about to be punished.
...
2022-08-23 21:06:35 +0000 UTC
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From @themaxeisenhardt
How important is a deep, intrinsic connection to your sex?
For me, it's everything.
Sex is my flow state, sex is turning the thinking mind off, sex is truly feeling the energy of the person you're intwined with.
This photo embodies that connection beautifully.
2022-08-22 07:00:02 +0000 UTC
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